- Uh, can I help you? - Sure hope so.
Agents DeYoung and Shaw. Just need to ask you a few questions.
Anything strange in the building last couple of days?
- Like what? - Some tenants reported flickering lights.
I don't think so. Why?
What about noises? Any skittering in the walls, kind of like rats?
And the FBI is investigating a rodent problem?
What about cold spots?
Feel any sudden drops in temperature?
I knew it. You guys are LARPing, aren't you?
- Excuse me? - You're fans.
- Fans of what? - What is LARPing?
Like you don't know.
Live-action role playing.
And pretty hardcore too.
Sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Asking questions like the building's haunted.
Like those guys from the books. What are they called?
Supernatural.
Two guys use fake IDs with rock aliases, hunt down ghosts, demons, vampires.
What are their names?
Steve and Dirk?
Sal and Dane?
- Sam and Dean? - That's it.
You're saying this is a book?
Books. It was a series.
Didn't sell a lot of copies though.
Kind of more of an underground cult following.
Let's see. Um...
Ah. There.
That's the first one, I think.
DEAN: "Supernatural, By Carver Edlund.
Along a lonely California highway...
...a mysterious woman in white lures men to their deaths."
Give me that.
We're gonna need all the copies of Supernatural you got.
[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING]
This is freaking insane.
- How's this guy know all this stuff? - You got me.
Everything is in here. I mean, everything.
From the racist truck to me having sex.
I'm full-frontal in here, dude.
How come we haven't heard of them before?
They were pretty obscure.
I mean, almost zero circulation.
Started in '05. Publisher put out a couple dozen before going bankrupt.
And the last one, No Rest for the Wicked...
...ends with you going to hell.
Well, I reiterate. Freaking insane.
Oh, check it out, there's actually fans. Not many of them, but still.
- You read this? - Yeah.
For fans, they do complain a lot. Listen to this.
Simpatico says, "The demon story line is trite, clichéd and overall craptastic."
Yeah, well, screw you, Simpatico, we lived it.
Yeah. Well, keep on reading.
Gets better.
There are Sam Girls and Dean Girls and-- What's a slash fan?
As in...
...Sam-slash-Dean.
Together.
- Like, "together" together? - Yeah.
- They do know we're brothers, right? - Doesn't seem to matter.
Oh, come on. That-- That's just sick.
- We gotta find this Carver Edlund. - That might not be so easy.
- Why not? - No tax records, no known address.
Looks like Carver Edlund is a pen name.
Somebody's gotta know who he is.
So you published the Supernatural books?
Yup. Yeah.
Gosh, these books.
They never really got the attention they deserved.
All anybody wants to read anymore is that romance crap.
You know, Dr. Sexy, M.D.?
- Please. - Right.
Well, we're hoping that our article can shine a light on an underappreciated series.
Yeah. If we got a little bit of good press, then maybe we could start publishing again.
No, no, no. God, no.
Why would you wanna do that?
You know, it's such a complete series...
...what with Dean going to hell and all.
Oh, my God, that was one of my favorite ones...
...because Dean was so strong and sad and brave.
And Sam-- I mean, the best parts are when they cry.
You know, like in Heart, when Sam had to kill Madison...
...the first woman since Jessica he really loved.
And in Home, when Dean had to call John and ask him for help.
[WHISPERS] What the-- ?
[WHIMPERS]
Gosh.
If only real men were so open and in touch with their feelings.
- Real men? - Uh--
I mean, no offense. How often do you cry like that?
Well, right now, I'm crying on the inside.
- Is that supposed to be funny? - Lady, this whole thing is funny.
How do I know you two are legit, hm?
Oh, trust me.
We, uh-- We're legit.
Don't want any smart-ass article making fun of my boys.
- No, no, no. Never. - No, that's--
We are actually, um...
...big fans.
- Hm. You've read the books. - Cover to cover.
- What's the year and model of the car? -1967 Chevy Impala.
- What's May 2nd? - That's my--
That's Sam's birthday.
January 24th is Dean's.
Sam's score on the LSAT?
One...
...seventy-four.
Dean's favorite song?
It's a tie.
Between Zep's "Rambling On" and "Traveling Riverside Blues."
[CHUCKLES]
Okay. Okay. What do you wanna know?
What's Carver Edlund's real name?
- Oh, no. No, sorry, I can't do that. - We just wanna talk to him.
Get the Supernatural story in his own words.
He's very private. Just like Salinger.
Please.
Like I said, we are, um, heh...
...big...
...big fans.
Awesome.
One sec. You know what?
I got one too.
Wow, you are a fan.
Ha. Wow.
Okay.
His name's Chuck Shurley. And he's a genius, so don't piss him off.
[CLEARS THROAT]
"Sam and Dean approached the rundown--
-- approached the ramshackle house with trepidation.
CHUCK: Did they really want to learn the secrets...
...that lay beyond that door?
Sam and Dean traded soulful looks.
Then...
...with determination, Dean pushed the doorbell...
...with forceful...
...determination."
[SCOFFS]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
DEAN: You Chuck Shurley?
The Chuck Shurley who wrote the Supernatural books?
Maybe. Why?
I'm Dean. This is Sam.
The Dean and Sam you've been writing about.
[WHISPERS] Yeah.
[RINGS]
Look, uh, I appreciate your enthusiasm.
Really, I do. It's always nice to hear from the fans.
But for your own good, I strongly suggest you get a life.
See, here's the thing.
We have a life.
You've been using it to write your books.
- Wait a minute. Now, this isn't funny. - Damn straight, it's not funny.
- How you're doing it? - I'm not doing anything.
- Are you a hunter? - What? No, I'm a writer.
Then how do you know so much about demons and tulpas and changelings?
Is this some kind of Misery thing?
- It is, isn't it? It's a Misery thing. - It's not a Misery thing. We are not fans.
- Well, then what do you want? - I'm Sam and that's Dean.
Sam and Dean are fictional characters. I made them up. They're not real.
- Are those real guns? DEAN: Yup.
This is real rock salt, these are real fake IDs.
Heh. I gotta hand it to you guys. You really are my number one fans.
That's awesome. So there's-- I think I've got some posters in the house.
- Chuck, stop. - Wait. Please, don't hurt me.
How much do you know? Do you know about the angels?
Or Lilith breaking seals?
How do you know about that?
- Question is how do you? - Because I wrote it.
- You kept writing? - Yeah.
Even after the publisher went bankrupt. But those books never came out.
Okay, wait. Heh, heh, heh.
This is some kind of joke, right? Did that-- ?
Did Phil put you up to this?
Well, nice to meet you. I'm Dean Winchester and this is my brother, Sam.
Last names were never in the books.
I never told anybody about that. I never even wrote that down.
- Oh! Oh, you're still there. - Yup.
- You're not a hallucination. - Nope.
Well, there's only one explanation.
Obviously, I'm a god.
You're not a god.
How else do you explain it?
I write things and then they come to life.
Yeah, no, I'm definitely a god.
A cruel, cruel, capricious god.
The things I put you through. The physical beatings alone.
We're still in one piece.
I killed your father. I burned your mother alive.
You had to go through the whole horrific deal again with Jessica.
- Chuck. - All for what?
All for the sake of literary symmetry.
I toyed with your lives, your emotions, for entertainment.
You didn't toy with us, Chuck, okay? You didn't create us.
Did you really have to live through the bugs?
Yeah.
- What about the ghost ship? - Yes, that too.
I am so sorry.
I mean, horror is one thing, but to be forced to live bad writing.
If I'd known it was real, I would have done another pass.
- Chuck, you're not a god. - We think you're probably just psychic.
No.
If I were psychic, you think I'd be writing?
Writing is hard.
It seems that somehow you're just focused on our lives.
Yeah, like laser focused.
Are you working on anything right now?
Holy crap.
What?
The latest book.
- It's, uh-- It's kind of weird. - Weird how?
It's very Vonnegut.
Slaughterhouse-Five Vonnegut or Cat's Cradle Vonnegut?
- What? - What?
It's Kilgore Trout Vonnegut.
I wrote myself into it.
I wrote myself...
...at my house...
...confronted by my characters.
I'm in a Laundromat, reading about myself in a Laundromat...
- ...reading about myself. My head hurts. - There's something this guy's not telling us.
"Sam tossed his gigantic darks into the machine.
He was starting to doubt Chuck, whether he was telling the whole truth."
- Stop it. - "'Stop it,' Sam said."
Guess what you do next.
"Sam turned his back on Dean, his face brooding and pensive."
I don't know how, but this guy is doing it.
I can't see your face...
...but those are definitely your brooding and pensive shoulders.
You just thought I was a dick.
Guy's good.
[CHUCK BREATHING HEAVILY]
So you wrote another chapter?
This was easier before you were real.
We can take it. Just spit it out.
- You especially are not gonna like this. - I didn't like hell.
It's Lilith.
She's coming for Sam.
- Coming to kill him? - When?
Tonight.
She's just gonna show up? Here?
See, it's, uh...
"Lilith patted the bed seductively.
Unable to deny his desire, Sam succumbed...
...and they sank into the throes of fiery demonic passion."
[SAM LAUGHS]
You're kidding me?
- You think this is funny? - You don't? I mean, come on.
"Fiery demonic passion?"
- It's just a first draft. It's not-- - Wait, wait, wait. Lilith is a little girl.
No. This time, she's a "comely dental hygienist from Bloomington, Indiana."
Great. Perfect.
So, what happens after the fiery demonic whatever?
- I don't know. It hasn't come to me yet. - Dean, look, there's nothing to worry about.
Lilith and me?
In bed?
- How does this whole psychic thing work? - You mean my process?
Yes, your process.
Well, it usually starts with a headache.
A really bad headache.
Aspirin is useless, so I drink until I fall asleep.
At first, I thought it was just a crazy dream.
- First time you dreamt about us? - It flowed.
It just-- It kept flowing.
It still does. I can't stop it, really.
- You can't seriously believe-- - Humor me.
Look, why don't we-- ? We just--
Take a look at these and see what's what.
- You-- - Knew you were gonna ask for that. Yeah.
Dean, come on.
"The minivan accident wasn't that bad, but Dean was still seeing stars.
He scratched absently at the pink flower Band-Aids on his face."
- So? - So I've seen you gushing blood.
You'd use duct tape and bar rags before you'd put on a pink flower Band-Aid.
- What's your point? - My point is this...
...all of this is totally implausible. It's nuts.
He's been right about everything. You think he'll ground out at first now?
"Dean slid behind the wheel of his beloved Impala and drove off...
...the plastic tarp on the rear window flapping like the wings of a crow."
- A tarp? - Yeah, on the rear window.
- You drive it like that. - Might be wrong about the details.
- Doesn't mean he's wrong about the result. - We just run?
Dude, we are a long way from ready for a face-to-face death match with Lilith.
OFFICER: Hold up.
DEAN: What seems to be the problem? - Bridge is out ahead.
- We're just trying to get out of town. OFFICER: Afraid not.
- Is there a detour? - Nope.
- No sideroad to the highway? - To get to the highway, you cross that river.
- To cross the river, you take that bridge. DEAN: How deep's the river?
Sorry. Afraid you boys have to spend the night in town.
Hey, this could be a good thing.
If this is what puts us on the path to Lilith, then all we gotta do is get off the path.
- How do you mean? - It's a blueprint of what not to do.
- I mean, if the pages say that we go left-- - Then we go right.
Exactly. We get off book, we never make it to the end.
It's opposite day.
It says that we get into a fight, so no fighting.
No research for you.
No bacon cheeseburger for you.
No problem. I'll order something else.
- Hey. - Hi, what's good?
Well, if you like burgers...
...Oprah's girlfriend said we have the best bacon cheeseburgers in the country.
- Really. - I'll just have the Cobb salad, please.
I'll have the veggie tofu burger.
Thanks.
- This is ridiculous. - Lilith is ridiculous?
- The idea of me hooking up with her is. - Right.
Because something like that could never happen.
Dean, for the first time, we have warning that Lilith is close.
- So? - So...
...we've got the jump on her.
If we know when she's coming, we know where--
- This is an opportunity. - Are you-- ?
It frustrates me when you say such reckless things.
Well, it frustrates me when you'd rather hide than fight.
Cobb salad for you.
And the tofu veggie burger for you.
Thank you.
It's not hiding, it's being smart.
It's picking your battles. This is a battle that we are not ready to fight.
Oh, my God.
This is delicious.
Tofu is amazing.
WAITRESS: I am so sorry.
I gave you the bacon cheeseburger by mistake.
SAM: Dude, this place charges by the hour.
DEAN: The book says Lilith finds you at the Red Motel.
Hence, the Hooker Inn.
It's opposite day, remember?
What are you doing?
Couple of hex bags ought to Lilith-proof the room.
What, I'm supposed to just hole up here all night?
That's exactly what you're gonna do, okay? And no research. I don't care what you do.
You can use the Magic Fingers or watch Casa Erotica on pay-per-view.
- Oh, dude, come on. - Just call it a little insurance.
What are you gonna do?
The pages say I spend all day riding around in the Impala, so I'm gonna go park her.
Behave yourself, would you?
No homework.
Watch some porn.
[RATTLING]
Hey!
[CAR HORN HONKS]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- You wanted to see me? - Yeah.
Thanks for coming.
Yeah, sure.
Um...
...I was just wondering how much you know.
About me.
- What do you mean? - Have you seen visions of me?
When I'm not with Dean?
Oh.
You wanna know if I know about the demon blood.
You didn't tell Dean.
I didn't even write it into the books.
I was afraid it'd make you look unsympathetic.
- Unsympathetic? - Yeah, come on, Sam.
I mean, sucking blood?
You gotta know that's wrong.
It scares the hell out of me. I--
I mean, I feel it inside of me.
I wish to God I could stop.
But you keep going back.
What choice have I got?
If it helps me kill Lilith, stop the Apocalypse-- ?
I thought that was Dean's job.
That's what the angels say, right?
Dean's not--
He's not Dean lately.
Ever since he got out of hell, he--
He needs help.
So you gotta carry the weight?
Well, he's looked after me my whole life.
- I can't return the favor. - Yeah, sure you can.
I mean...
...if that's what this is.
SAM: What else would it be?
I don't know.
Maybe the demon blood makes you feel stronger.
More in control.
No.
That's not true.
I'm sorry, Sam.
I know it's a terrible burden, feeling that it all rests on your shoulders.
Does it?
All rest on my shoulders.
That seems to be where the story's headed.
Am I strong enough to stop Lilith tonight?
I don't know.
I haven't seen that far yet.
WOMAN: Oh, thank God. Just take it easy. You're gonna be okay.
- Stars. - What was that?
Ugh.
I'm so sorry. I just didn't see you. Are you okay?
And sorry about--
You know.
My daughter's going through a doctor phase.
What are you talking about?
You're better now.
Oh, no.
- Dean. - I take it you knew I'd be here.
You look terrible.
That's because I just got hit by a minivan, Chuck.
Oh.
That it?
Every damn thing you write about me comes true, all you have to say is, "oh"?
Please don't yell at me.
I get the feeling there's something you're not telling us.
- What wouldn't I tell you? - How you know what you know.
- I don't know how I know. I just do. - Not good enough.
- How the hell are you doing this? CASTIEL: Dean, let him go.
This man is to be protected.
Why?
He's a prophet of the Lord.
You--
You're Castiel, aren't you?
It's an honor to meet you, Chuck.
I admire your work.
Whoa, whoa, what? This guy? A prophet?
Come on. He's practically a Penthouse Forum writer.
Did you know about this?
I, uh-- I might have dreamt about it.
And you didn't tell us?
It was too preposterous.
Not to mention arrogant.
I mean, writing yourself into the story is one thing, but as a prophet?
That's like M. Night-level douchiness.
DEAN: This guy decides our fate? - He isn't deciding anything.
He's a mouthpiece, a conduit for the inspired word.
The word?
The word of God?
Like the New New Testament?
One day, these books, they'll be known as the Winchester Gospel.
DEAN & CHUCK: You gotta be kidding me.
I am not kidding you.
If you'll both please excuse me one minute.
Him? Really?
You should have seen Luke.
Why'd he get tapped?
I don't know how prophets are chosen.
The order comes from high up on the celestial chain of command.
- How high? - Very.
Well, whatever. How do we get around this?
Around what?
The Sam-Lilith love connection. How do we stop it from happening?
What the prophet has written can't be unwritten.
As he has seen it...
...so it shall come to pass.
We're getting out of here.
- What? Where? - Anywhere, okay?
Out of this motel, out of this town.
I don't care if we gotta swim. We are getting out.
Dude, where are all the hex bags?
- I burned them. - You what?
Look, if Lilith is coming, which is a big if--
No, no, no. It's more than an if.
Chuck is not a psychic.
- He's a prophet. - What?
Cas showed up. And apparently, Chuck is writing the gospel of us.
- Okay. - Okay.
Let's get the hell out of here.
No.
- Lilith will slaughter you. - Maybe she will, maybe she won't.
- You think you can take her? - Only one way to find out.
- Bring her on. - Sam--
You think I'll do it, don't you?
- You think I'll go dark side. - Yes.
Okay? Yes.
The way you've been acting lately? The things you've been doing?
Oh, I know.
How you ripped Alastair apart like it was nothing, like you were swatting a fly.
Cas told me, okay?
- What else did he tell you? - Nothing I don't already know.
You've been using psychic crap and getting stronger.
- Just don't know why and how. - It's not what you think.
Then what is it, Sam?
Because I'm at a total loss.
Are you coming or not?
No.
[COINS CLANKING]
Well, I feel stupid doing this...
...but I am fresh out of options.
So please...
...I need some help.
I'm praying, okay?
Come on.
Please.
CASTIEL: Prayer is a sign of faith.
This is a good thing, Dean.
- So you'll help me? - I'm not sure what I can do.
Drag Sam out of here now, before Lilith shows up.
It's a prophecy.
I can't interfere.
You have tested me and thrown me every which way.
And I have never asked for anything.
Not a damn thing.
But now I'm asking.
I need your help.
Please.
What you're asking...
...it's not within my power to do.
- Why, because it's divine prophecy? - Yes.
So, what, we're just supposed to sit around and wait for it to happen?
I'm sorry.
Screw you.
You and your mission.
Your God.
If you don't help me now...
...then when the time comes and you need me...
...don't bother knocking.
Dean.
- Dean. - What?
You must understand why I can't intercede.
- Prophets are special. They're protected. - I get that.
If anything threatens a prophet, anything at all...
...an archangel will appear to destroy that threat.
Archangels are fierce.
They're absolute.
They're heaven's most terrifying weapon.
And these archangels, they're tied to prophets?
Yes.
So if a prophet was in the same room as a demon--
Then the most fearsome wrath of heaven would rain down on that demon.
Just so you understand...
...why I can't help.
Thanks, Cas.
Good luck.
[DOOR OPENS]
What are you doing here? I didn't write this.
Come on. I need you to come with me.
- What? Where? - Motel where Sam is.
- That's where Lilith is. - Yeah, I need you to stop her.
Are you insane? Lilith?
I know what she's capable of, Dean. I wrote her.
All right, listen to me. You have an archangel tethered to you, okay?
All you gotta do is show up and boom.
Lilith gets smoked.
But I haven't seen that yet. The story--
Chuck, you're the only shot that I've got left.
But...I'm just a writer.
This isn't a story anymore, man.
This is real. And you're in it.
Now, I need you to get off your ass and fight.
Come on, Chuck.
No frigging way.
Then how about this?
I've got a gun in my pocket and if you don't come with me, I'll blow your brains out.
I thought you said I was protected by an archangel.
Well, interesting exercise.
Let's see who the quicker draw is.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Hello, Sam.
I've been waiting for you.
Where's the knife, Sam?
On the nightstand, by the bed.
You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that.
How about this?
[WIND GUSTING]
LILITH: You're strong.
But you're not that strong. Not yet.
- So why don't you throw me around then? - Because I can't and you know it.
You're immune to my charms.
Seems we're at a stalemate.
SAM: Why are you here? - To talk.
Heh. Yeah, well, I'm not interested.
Mm.
Even if I'm offering to stand down?
From the seals...
...the Apocalypse...
...all of it.
- You expect me to believe that? - Honestly? No.
You were always the smart one.
But it's the truth.
You can end it, Sam.
Right here, right now.
I'll stop breaking seals, Lucifer keeps rotting in his cage.
All you have to do is agree to my terms.
Why would you back down? Why now?
Turns out I don't survive this war.
Killed off...
...right before the good part starts.
What do you want?
For it to go back to the way it was.
Before I had angels to deal with 24/7.
The good old days, when it was all baby blood all the time.
And what do you want in return?
Your head on a stick.
Dean's too.
Call it a consolation prize.
So, what do you say, Sam?
Self-sacrifice is the Winchester way, isn't it?
You think I'm stupid enough to fall for this?
I make a deal, I have to follow through. Those are the rules and you know it.
Are you really so arrogant...
...that you would put your life before the lives of 6 billion innocent people?
Maybe it's all that demon blood pumping through your pipes.
Man after my own heart.
You think I'm like you?
I am nothing like you.
Then prove it.
Going once.
Going twice.
Fine.
Swell.
By the way, a contract with me will take more than a kiss.
A lot more.
Don't worry.
The dental hygienist in here?
She wants it bad.
[GRUNTING]
I am the prophet Chuck.
You've got to be joking.
DEAN: Oh, this is no joke.
You see, Chuck here's got an archangel on his shoulder.
You got 10 seconds before this room is full of wrath...
...and you're a piece of charcoal.
Sure you wanna tangle with that?
[PANTING]
So a deal, huh?
- That's what she said. - To call the whole thing off.
Angels, seals, Lucifer rising, the whole nine?
That was the gist of it.
Heh.
What?
- You didn't think once about taking it? - You kidding?
You just spent all day trying to talk me off the Lilith track.
I'm just saying.
She would have found some way to weasel out of it.
- And all it would have cost us was our lives. - Yeah, I guess you're right.
Anyway, that's not the point.
- What's the point? - Point is she's scared.
I could see it.
Lilith is running.
- Running from what? - Don't know.
But she was telling the truth about one thing.
What's that?
She's not gonna survive the Apocalypse.
I'll make sure of that.
[PANTING]
MAN: Did you see it?
[VOICE BREAKING] Who are you?
I'm Zachariah. You may know me from your work.
What do you want?
Did you see it?
Is it true?
Is all of that really going to happen?
Have you been wrong so far?
I gotta warn Sam and Dean.
I wouldn't advise it.
People shouldn't know too much about their own destiny.
You try...
...and I'll stop you.
- Where are you going? - To go kill myself.
Don't be melodramatic, Chuck.
We'd only bring you back to life.
What am I supposed to do?
What you always do.
Write.